i'll be making a list

So, Santa came by early....this past Friday to be exact.
Santa was OH SO very thoughtful....this is what he brought...Merry Christmas to me!

There I was, plagued with guilt, and my hubby knew it.

He starts his last set of classes in January, I knew he spent FAR too much money on this gift. Simply the wrong time to be spending THAT kind of money on me, totally unnecessary.

So he says, "My love, please don't feel guilty. I wanted to buy you that for Christmas." "and if you want, you can think of it as a thank you for putting up with me being away in Whistler for 2 years."

Naturally, I am completely aghast! A thank you? For putting up with Whistler for 2 years??? Um, I'm sorry, WHAT???!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 2 years? Well, you better keep those gifts comin' boy! ;)

T.G.I.T.

SO thankful that my hubby, my best friend comes home today. it's been a long, lonely week. hurry safely home my love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i was thinking about working today

...when the call did NOT come in...and thankfully so

instead, i got bossed into going shopping, which was lovely. thank you buckshee.

i have slowly been getting out my christmas decorations, minimal success.
admittedly, i have been listening to Christmas music for about 2 weeks and it has been getting me thru the day. or days rather.

thursday & friday are baking days. i have to replicate?/duplicate? a cake for baby Haylie's 1st birthday on saturday....pics to follow. and on friday, TLC is prepping goodies for the THPCU Party. mmmmhmmmmm. what's that? you need a business card? can i get back to you on that?

going to the gym tonight. back to work for 2 tomorrow. it's cold out. i hope it snows.

d.xo

i guess i lose.

i am very unhappy today.
i am very confused today.

adult relationships are difficult.
i should never have opened myself up.
& yes, i know how pathetic & dramatic this looks.

bitter.

i feel at my best when i am home with my family...

what a great saturday;

• xmas craft fair shopping with the boys
• conning the boys into haircuts
• starbucks
• vids, love the wii
• dinner out avec the fam
• wine & pjs
• sil's droppin by for shits & giggles
• wine & signs

but nothing's shaking the growing apprehension, my gut says to stay home for a few weeks.

hi-fives!

it's half hooky-day!

bored.

lonely.

went and got the boys from school at noon.
we're having hot dogs, chocolate cake, chocolate milk & watching movies.
you don't have to ask Quinn & Mason today who rocks...

hopefully i can talk them into naps so i can zzzzz before night shift.

so glad to have another weekend off with the three men in my life. you too fur man. (that's roy fyi.)
t-18 hours til days off again. i could get used to 3 day sets.

d.

ooh i love a rainy night...

but not that crazy wind! 90 km in abby overnite!

i tell you i went to bed, one hour later, i was awoke & was shakin in my boots! absolute fear that a tree was going to come down onto the roof! the house & windows shook so hard! i was debating going into the basement to sleep to avoid crashing trees when i must have fell asleep, for i woke again to silence. thank gawd! i so badly needed sleep. and i got it, aside from the sweat. eeeeew!

i am going to my new home today. my new home for a year. trying to embrace this new change, i ASKED for this new change but there are nerves nonetheless. i just want to nurse. that's all.

whole foods. starts today. tyring to be firm for two weeks again. and i gotta get back to the gym. i might have to start seeing the PT again for some real motivation....

jackets & boots today people!

d. xo

a very blustery day!

what a day for a daydreeeeam

Sunday is upon us. I love these drizzly fall Sundays.

I didn't have anything better to do other than bake, cook and lounge.

Lounging of course, is an all encompassing term for reading, vegging, snoozing, NOT CLEANING, web browsing, munching and tea drinking.

What did I bake today? Chocolate chip cookies, a cake whose icing colour did not turn out (headin to whistler now...), a practice cake...using fondant! Unless it needs more time to set, the fondant is really chewy...not too sure what i think yet...Argh! I have been awarded the duty of my niece's 1st birthday cake. No pressure at all. Practice photos to come...

What did i cook? Lasagna for dinner tonight, mini lasagnas for lunches and one person dinners, home-made split pea & ham soup, my italian chicken dish into individualized portions again...

The boys are home, my gingerbread candle is alight, and all is right with the world.


d. xo

days off!

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!
after that set?????
hoooooooweeeeee!

good riddance cheam 2

i have had 2 hours sleep after a night shift. i am going in for another.

i am so exhausted and worn out. fighting with your ex's gf for days takes alot out of you. i am on the verge of barfing i am so exhausted.

and tonight, i am going to nurse 11 patients in an unsafe environment. i cannot express my disgust in words about how i feel about my shift and what has been going on at work.

thankfully, tomorrow is another day.

Lest We Forget

So I sit here, just finished watching some ceremonies in Toronto...usually I watch the news, but I'm glad I caught it.

Normally, talk of war enrages me. Watching the ceremony fills me with sadness. The camera pans over the crowd, very elderly men, with impeccable haircuts, very decorated, so many medals, tears streaming down their faces. And at the same time in the corner of the screen, they were flashing photos of the Canadian soldiers who have died in Iraq. These photos were mostly of babies. Young men, young women.

I understand completely that we have what we have today thanks to the great men & women who fought wars before our time. But the only word that comes to mind when I see those young faces is senseless. Yet when I say senseless, I feel selfish.

I never ever ever want to be one of those mothers who has to grieve her son. Lost to war. RIP Private Chad Horn

spending all day in the kitchen. true story.

dear abby

this is one of my favorite things to do. sit quietly on the couch, watch the news, drink coffee, catch up with my hubby and wonder when the boys will get up while secretly hoping they sleep just a little while longer.

so recently i told you i was moving to Baker 2. friday afternoon, i rcvd a call from the mgr of ER: "oh i have a full time temp line for you, i'm so excited to have you back! please call me and let me know if you are still interested, which i know you are, I am just so pleased!"

uh help? no seriously. help. a quick pro's & con's list for you;
baker 2 one N shift every, one N every other set is alot of Ds in a row
ER 2D 2N, 5 off, ER 2 nights in a row
baker 2 fantastic learning opps, ER fantastic learning opps
baker 2 naptime nights!, ER don't sleep on breaks!

as a LPN, will i get more in ER? will i get more training?

i dunnooooooooo. to be honest, for some strange reason, i am looking forward to going to B2. i don't quite know that i am ready to back to ER on a full time basis. having said that, if the line was PERMANENT, then it would be a no-brainer for me.

i'm only afraid to miss out on the different opportunities that the LPNS come across in ER. and i am very afraid to disappoint the ER mgr or burn any bridges with her.

advice?

d.xo

mom, can i get a spongy finger???

sitting here in my housecoat still. oh i have been mildly productive, don't get me wrong.
i showered, make up is on, there is SOME laundry going and i have been monitoring my son's Facebook musings....

he BEGGED and begged and i relented as he wanted to play with his friends. but on ONE condition. i get and set the password. so the monitoring has begun, for the most part it has been harmless and cute. we have had a lengthy chat about respect, responsibility, bullying and the like. i also threw in that the RCMP monitor all FB pages; fear tactics 101. and i think he took that to heart, as his grandparent-in-laws are both RCMP Staff Sgts. we shall see.

it's hailing out as we speak, i am thoroughly enjoying this lazy saturday. i'll be getting dressed just in time to go to an early dinner with the fam @ me n' eds pizza and then to the abbotsford heat hockey game. mason is JUST beside himself.....

d.xo

happy friday

there is always room for dessert

wind. i love wind. i want my babies home. i want my schmoopy poo home RIGHT MEOW!

somedays, i feel like they are the only ones in the entire world that can hold me up, the only ones at all that i can count on. i was raised as the oldest child in a home with a disabled middle sibling that required alot of attention. and then my pesky baby bro, so i was raised to be VERY independent...the bad news to that, is that sometimes, i feel like i don't need anyone or anything, cuz i can just handle life on my own...cuz i always had to. sometimes being that independent ain't always cool, i have to remember to let ppl in.

these days tho, i feel like i give and give and give, and don't get me wrong, giving can be a very beautiful thing. i love making ppl happy. just don't let people take advantage of your giving nature. it's a terrible realization/feeling. like a kick in the gut.

it's ok. my babies are on their way. my best friend in the whole entire world, the one who doesn't judge, lets me be me, will be here tonight. and then i have all that i need. oh and maybe a cranberry bliss bar too. well.

d.xo

it's my second fave Police song....

so lonely, so lonely, so lonely, i feel so alone yeah.

aaaw heck, it's not as pitiful as it sounds. i'm just sitting in the back pod. ALONE. c'est tres bizarre. 10 patients. uncool. not hard, not crazy, but odd. first night in 18 shifts that i have worked alone. kinda nice i have to say...goes much quicker this way. although i miss my student. i like her...she is crazy i tell you, bought me all of these gorgeous thank you gifts....however i don't think i like this ward anymore.

you know, in all fairness it's what, 3 days old? but the vision for the unit doesn't really fit me. so i'm going back to cali cali cali...er Baker 2, aka 2 West, where I was born and raised. it's busy there, the kind of busy i need to be at work. and also, they will get to absorb our lost & forgotten neuro patients. i really really enjoyed working neuro. temp full time til end of september of 2010. suits me just fine, and i'm looking fwd to the change.

laaaaaay it on the liiiiiine. i'm listening to rock 101 on the computer here in good old back pod. lay it on the linnnne. don't waste my time.

let's see, what else......OH! got my shot today. you know, THE shot. the RN who "shot" me should be ashamed...poor technique. i'd like to jab her some day :) it's just getting achy now, 5 hours later. oink.

so glad to be off the entire weekend. husband and boys. all weekend. glorious. just glorious.

happy middle of the night.

d. xo

just sayin'

ok, here is the not so ugly cake

AND, i made a card. (for veronica) some basic pretty scalloped edging thing, with a nursey vibe. i woulda taken a picture but i licked the envelope shut. it was truly nothing impressive.

ps. i'm not so bitchy anymore.

xo

ok, here is the ugly cake

this is the last time

i have been trying to update this all fucking morning and now i'm the pissiest i have ever been.
all this damn technology and nothing ever works.

i baked some cakes, i decorated some cakes, one is ugly, one is not. it's for veronica, my LPN student who is finished her preceptorship tonight.

no wit, no pictures, i'm done.

you can't always get what you want

but if you try sometimes, well you just might find, you get what you need. whether you like it or not.