Day 4

Headache from hell. Too much stress? Too much coffee?

Not enuf H20? Too much worry? Change in the weather?

Advice? Somebody fix me please!

I like my rock...

...and I want to crawl right back under it.

What a TERRIBLE few days. Unhappiness is mine. In fact, I'm not sure if I have seen worse days...but onwards & upwards right?  The ONLY thing that kept me sane was the escape into a good book.

On Saturday, I started re-finishing some furniture finally, the weather tried its best to cooperate. But it felt...I dunno...not right. It wasn't peaceful & fun & tranquil. And you don't get any pics cuz it turned out terrible.  Today, I went to a new yoga studio, but again, no peace, no tranquility, it just didn't feel right. 

I think I'd like to just put the last 5 days behind me, maybe crawl out from under that rock, and stick those days under there instead.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?

Om Shanti

I really really REALLY wish that I was going to see this man speak on Friday. I could really use some of his calming wisdom these days...Do they do scalpers tickets for this sort of engagement?

The less you open your heart to others,

the more your heart suffers.

~Deepak Chopra

I think this is ADORABLE! Pinky Swear!

From a 1950's high school home economics textbook, teaching girls how to prepare for married life.



1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work- weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.



3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Things to avoid: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

brickabrack

~ the 2010 winter olympics has begun. sorrow, grief, controversy,
goodness, GOLD!

~ i try so hard to never trash my ex. and i never ever do it in
front of the boys, but WHAT A DOUCHE. TOTAL LOSER DOUCHEBAG. indulge me.

~ it's valentine's day today...same as any other day really.

~ tomorrow is the anniversary of our 1st awkward date 6 years ago. i think. or 7.

~ tuesday is mason's 9th birthday. how utterly sad. my baby.

~ my throat is sore. if i get jaimie's bronchitis i will go postal.

~ i just ate a double cheeseburger, small fries & quinn's butterscotch pudding. those who know me well...well, thank you quinn.

~ don't judge me on the burger bit, it's not like i could open the Szechuan KD. (smooches RK), it's more of a conversation piece.


love, ROCKETGIRL

words to live by

my dad has a few favourite phrases;

for instance' "don't let your meat loaf" is his signature farewell
his most repeated is "don't shit the small stuff"

my dear gf has brought that to my attention lately and it made me think just how right she and of course my father are. life is too short to shit the small stuff.
i'm going to try and keep that forefront in my thoughts right now...it's so true

having said that....our new doggy, does not shit small. is this one of those small stuff things??????

be kind today, think before you speak, love what you have.

love, ROCKETGIRL xo

:(

i'm enjoying the quiet of the house, the chatter of the tv.

i feel perfectly justified in sitting on the couch right now. the boys are gone, the dog & the steve are asleep. the exam is written (& passed...hello certification), the cookies are finished & wrapped, i went to yoga AND bootcamp. i SO miss yoga. talk about peace & serenity.

i have a raging headache. i ate too much meat & too many cookies. so much for all that exercise. my mind is going crazy. i got worries & troubles. just when things start to look up, i manage to fuck it all up. what else is new. at least i get to sleep in tomorrow.

meh, ROCKETGIRL

what's the opposite of happy?

doesn't matter. let's just say that the adjustment period isn't getting any easier.

:( , ROCKETGIRL

my lovely lady lumps

just in case you ever thought that it was impossible for your saddle bags to hurt, i am living proof that it can happen. was that bootcamp? more like angry-devil-lunge-squat-maniacs in hell. can't wait for wednesday. i'd be in bed but i can't get up the stairs. waiting for steve to finish his popcorn so he can carry me.

love, ROCKETGIRL

shoot me!

screw the diet. the only thing that can fix the morning (& night, sleepless i might add) is a triple bypass. made by TLC. just one, one of the mini's. doesn't even count really...

you know, it's not a secret that today was back to school....but do you think we could find our backpacks, lunch bags, underwear even??????? even though "yes mom, everything is ready" was what i got last night.....

anyway, it's done, all boys in the house are gone to school, roy is off to the spa within the hour, the giant piles of laundry await...thank goodness for coffee.

love, ROCKETGIRL

so far so good...

i'm just sitting here, enjoying the noise of the kids, dog, the husband and anticipating tomorrow morning all at the same time! the kids go back to school & the hubby goes back to school for his last 3 months before writing his licensing exam. AND i still have 2 days off left to go....yessssss!

so it's been a bit strange to be honest having him home full time & knowing that he doesn't have to go away...in fact it's been hard to sleep & share a bed with someone again...all in due time i guess.

we had a nice NYE...low key, friends, babies, appys, DJ Hero. i picked up an extra shift NY day and got my ass kicked! last night, TLC was busy playing with cupcake liners & recipes & box orders while the spouses watched the fights. **rolls eyes**

today, TLC is busy with a custom cupcake order, and i am getting everyone prepped to go back to school. laundry, lunches, early to bed, early to rise...boy those Christmas holidays went fast...

i have bootcamp tomorrow night btw. feel sorry for me. :)

d.xo

another trip around the sun...

it's new years eve! what did you do this year? anything memorable? any regrets?
what's on YOUR agenda for this year?

we're having a low key nye this year. good friends, good food, shenanigans. obviously.
i can't even believe the year is over. i already have a bit of a bad attitude about 2010....
really because of the olympics...that's all, oh and it's totally possible that i could end up picketing. that should be interesting. after that, 2010 should be fine. husband is home for good, so that makes the year better right from the start.

so, memorable for me? too many things to list...vegas girls trip, quinn starting middle school, starting a business...
regrets? far too many to list...i hope not to be able to say that next year. live & learn yes?
and my agenda? sorta ties in to the short regret list...standard goals, be healthy, be happy...

have a wonderful new year. prosperity, happiness & love to you from Rocketgirl. xoxo

another year has come & gone

0205h Tuesday, December 1, 2009

How, exactly has this happened. As I sit here and listen to the sounds of work (creaking pipes, rattling ceiling joints, snoring patients, pyxis drawers opening and closing, downward occlusion beeps) I wonder, just where the heck this past year went.

As usual, this past year has been a mass roller-coaster ride for me. You know, I always assumed that as you got older, things would make more sense, you'd feel more settled and experience more peace. Generally speaking. I find however, that things make LESS sense, I feel LESS settled and have experienced the least amount of peace than in recent years. Now why is that?

I thought my heart was full and I had no room for anything else. My heart grows three sizes too large every day that I see and experience something new with the boys. I just can't even believe how funny & wonderful their personalities are. I can hardly wait til their Christmas concerts this month. I have Kleenex ready. I just know I will bawl. I cannot help it.

Quinn overheard me say the other day that my body seemed to be changing....I meant the strange going-on's lately, the exhaustion, the clumsiness, the hormone swings, and he says to me, mom, it's ok my body is changing too! I love you Quinn. And I love you Mason. You tear at my heart strings every single day.

My family....end of story. Aren't things a mess. My heart aches everyday. So I try not to think about it. Maybe one day....hopefully not too late.

The ex. Always tricky, we don't always have success, but I think we are doing the best we can. Thank god he is a good father. I still remember the good times.

My in laws....thank you. Just thank you so much.

My job, I love. I really & truly do. Now, I didn't get into school this fall and as a result, have experienced doing things for ME! What a novelty. I'm starting back to yoga this month. Truly, that was a turning point for me this past February. And I cannot believe I have abandoned it. I feel shame for the state that my downward dog will surely be....but not for long.

It's been a really tricky year this year for friendships. I feel like I have lost some. I know that I have gained some. I have daily struggles regarding friendships. This is not something I expected to be dealing with at the age of "29-again" I am still learning not to build walls. I can count on one hand though, the friends that have helped me get through this year. They have built me up and allowed me to feel like a little bit of me. No, alot of me. I so love you.

There's a possible new venture on the horizon...it excites me. I wonder if it can work...I so want it to.

I just want to be happy. Settled and peaceful. It sounds so easy. Yet, so intangible. It's definitely work. Sometimes hard, but it usually pays off. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I need to work on patience and acceptance and forgiveness.

One thing that remains constant, is my far too wonderful husband. Sometimes, I sit and think about who we used to be apart, then who we were together, and how we have changed together and grown together over the years. The most I have learned about myself has been since he came into my life. The most I have learned about love, I learned from him. His neverending amount of patience for me, and his neverending amount of understanding for me I find astounding. I think I sometimes push it and push it to see how far I can go....He keeps me grounded, he keeps me in line, but most importantly he lets me be exactly who I am, no matter how good or bad that is and yet, he loves me unconditionally, without judging, or scolding or cutting me down. I hope to get used to that at some point. I hope to stop worrying whether or not I deserve someone so wonderful. I am lucky to have him, the boys are lucky to have him and I feel so thankful that we are a family. I need to remind myself how good we have it. I shouldn't have to, but sometimes I need to.

It's 0245h. It's not really taken me this long...pt bells are going, there's chit chatting, the site leader is bustling about...

It's December, my very favourite time of year. MY new year. I hope to be a better me this year, for my family & my friends. And most of all for me. I can do this.

d.xo

i feel at my best when i am home with my family...

what a great saturday;

• xmas craft fair shopping with the boys
• conning the boys into haircuts
• starbucks
• vids, love the wii
• dinner out avec the fam
• wine & pjs
• sil's droppin by for shits & giggles
• wine & signs

but nothing's shaking the growing apprehension, my gut says to stay home for a few weeks.

ooh i love a rainy night...

but not that crazy wind! 90 km in abby overnite!

i tell you i went to bed, one hour later, i was awoke & was shakin in my boots! absolute fear that a tree was going to come down onto the roof! the house & windows shook so hard! i was debating going into the basement to sleep to avoid crashing trees when i must have fell asleep, for i woke again to silence. thank gawd! i so badly needed sleep. and i got it, aside from the sweat. eeeeew!

i am going to my new home today. my new home for a year. trying to embrace this new change, i ASKED for this new change but there are nerves nonetheless. i just want to nurse. that's all.

whole foods. starts today. tyring to be firm for two weeks again. and i gotta get back to the gym. i might have to start seeing the PT again for some real motivation....

jackets & boots today people!

d. xo

what a day for a daydreeeeam

Sunday is upon us. I love these drizzly fall Sundays.

I didn't have anything better to do other than bake, cook and lounge.

Lounging of course, is an all encompassing term for reading, vegging, snoozing, NOT CLEANING, web browsing, munching and tea drinking.

What did I bake today? Chocolate chip cookies, a cake whose icing colour did not turn out (headin to whistler now...), a practice cake...using fondant! Unless it needs more time to set, the fondant is really chewy...not too sure what i think yet...Argh! I have been awarded the duty of my niece's 1st birthday cake. No pressure at all. Practice photos to come...

What did i cook? Lasagna for dinner tonight, mini lasagnas for lunches and one person dinners, home-made split pea & ham soup, my italian chicken dish into individualized portions again...

The boys are home, my gingerbread candle is alight, and all is right with the world.


d. xo

you can't always get what you want

but if you try sometimes, well you just might find, you get what you need. whether you like it or not.

oh MAAAAAAN

post night shift is such a hard mood to pull off.
i do not do it very well.

it doesn't help when the dog pees on the floor. and you step in it.
it doesn't help when you drop a gallon of milk on the floor. after you've de-lidded it.
it doesn't help when your sprinkles tip over. effin cookies.
it doesn't help listening to doors slam upstairs. "get out of my life" "i'm not IN your life" kids.
it doesn't help when your dog pees on the floor. AGAIN! WTF!?!

i was supposed to therapeutically bake halloween cookies today. it feels like a chore.
but i know that my son will carry them proudly to his party tomorrow. having said that,
i've eaten more of the sugar cookie dough than cookies i have produced.

my outlaws are coming tomorrow for two nights. my husband is coming home tonight.
i am going to try and be nice to him, but i can't promise anything. i'm cranky!

fine. xo. there.

i don't know what you're talking about...

well. it's night time. i went back on the whole foods diet today. i did ok until the hershey's kiss avec macadamia nuts...i had three. and at least 3 teaspoons of homemade icing. not bad. not bad at all.

work was busy, but good. our household has been very very quiet tonight. we are stressed & pensive, the boys are at their fathers, the dog is playing with a mitten.

the dishwasher broke today, it won't drain, and the plumber is having a hard time fixing it.

tomorrow is monday. things will be better on tuesday. at creepy clown cake class.